Word all over the Internet thanks to a slow week of news has been regarding Paramount Pictures’ secret film being referred to as Cloverfield produced by J.J. Abrams and directed by Matt Reeves.
The teaser trailer for the mysterious film debuted in front of Transformers on July 3rd propelling the film to a two-day box-office tally of $65.7 million domestically and already $101.9 million worldwide.
Unfortunately for Paramount bootlegged versions of the one minute and 50 second trailer found its way onto such video portals as YouTube, Daily Motion and Google Video, which now means millions of people have seen the trailer before going out and seeing Transformers. In an effort to combat the online presence of the film Paramount has been actively removing the video from said video portals and the Paramount legal department has asked several movie sites embedding the video to remove it or face legal action.
Non specific and completely fabricated statistics on my part have shown that most of the people that went and saw Transformers actually ended up leaving after the trailer and didn’t even stay to watch the movie. The trailer’s presence online now means that people will stop going and seeing Transformers and will just watch the trailer at home in its dark bootlegged format. Paramount realizes the Cloverfield trailer was the only reason Transformers nearly doubled the box-office record for a Tuesday opening previously set by Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Dead Man’s Chest. The studio is now scrambling to find another way to dupe people into going and seeing a movie about giant robots with multi-million dollar special effects. Perhaps a free Whopper?
So, while the trailer managed to draw in audiences for the first few days, the jig is up, people have seen it and Transformers is already nose-diving as a result. The number of empty theaters and loss of concessions have been staggering and many theater owners are already wondering if they will have to close up shop thanks to the debacle.
Perhaps next time movie studios won’t try to deceive audiences into seeing a a highly anticipated movie about giant robots with a trailer. After all, we all know this trailer was the only reason anyone even went to see Transformers in the first place. Good thing it is only a bootlegged copy of the trailer online, if there was an official high-quality version perhaps Transformers wouldn’t have made a single dollar.
NOTE: This article is satirical and meant for entertainment purposes only.
