What made Tobe Hooper‘s — or Steven Spielberg‘s, depending on whom you ask — Poltergeist so iconic was how it blended a mix of humor, heart and character with the same atmosphere and tension. It became the rare mainstream Hollywood thriller with just the right technical and creative talent to shine. In turn, Gil Kenan‘s 2015 remake is disappointing in how it’s basically the opposite: cold, generic and entirely ho-hum. It’s by no means the worst horror remake of late, but that it has the skills behind-and-in-front of the camera to exceed and only settles on mediocrity makes this re-imagining almost as degrading.
Kenan’s take follows the Bowen family, which includes the recently unemployed Eric (Sam Rockwell), his wife Amy (Rosemarie DeWitt) and their three children — older daughter Kendra (Saxon Sharbino), son Griffin (Kyle Catlett) and youngest daughter Madison (Kennedi Clements) — as they’ve just moved into a new suburban home. It’s not long after they get settled, however, that supernatural oddities begin creeping the kids out.
Madison finds herself talking to voices in her closet, Griffin’s bedroom is filled with creepy dolls and Madison ends up in some unforeseen goo-from-beyond-the-grave in her basement. Beyond their parents’ beliefs, the new house is also home to undead spirits; ones that take young Madison through a portal to their dimension but leave enough room for this family to return their daughter back home.
From there, Kenan’s film follows the original 1982 feature’s footsteps, and indeed Kenan’s film is quite respectful to its peer. As these remakes do, iconic beats are mimicked and attempts towards paying homage to Hooper’s initial film are realized. But, like nearly all-mainstream horror movies, jump scares replace genuine tension and the need to keep these cheap thrills undercut any emotional investment. In a year when It Follows finds cheeky ways to respect and abide to the genre of conventions, that movies like this still so desperately warrant, the need for audiences to accept mediocrity is not so much annoying now as it is tedious.
What’s perhaps most surprising about this fairly by-the-numbers shocker is not how it lives in its original presence but how pastiche 2015’s Poltergeist feels even to its modern horror peers. Comparisons to 2013’s Paranormal Activity‘s bag of household tricks.
This remake comes courtesy of producer Sam Raimi, who was also behind the most entertaining mainstream horror remake in quite a while with Evil Dead two years prior, and how he could invest so much life in that film, and yet seemingly care so little here is — on some level — heartbreaking. Then again, it’s not as though he had a professional connection to this ’80s horror flick as he did to his own debut.
Often there are moments when this Poltergeist looks as though it wants to say something about modern technology or the importance of family values at the very least, but Kenan’s film is all style and little substance. For as beautiful and visceral as Javier Aguirresarobe‘s cinematography glazes, or as crisp as Anita Cannella‘s foley work and Jeff Betancourt and Bob Murawski‘s editing are, this is so endlessly stiff. It’s fine looking and well-cared for on the surface, but completely hollow and carelessly curated inside.
Also, while the original was respected more for its expert direction than tight writing, this remake’s screenplay gets downright sloppy. It comes from the pen of David Lindsay-Abaire, the Pulitzer-winning playwright behind both the play and film Rabbit Hole. Of course you won’t have seen this from his work here. Any motivations to develop characters are dropped immediately, and even those who have some depth have struggles forgone to continue the story’s lumbering plot.
Here’s an example. Money problems, from Rockwell’s character job termination, are addressed early on in this family. The mother — a writer — sacrificed any attempts to write professional for raising their kids, so the dad desperately tries to get employed, including impressing a possible boss at a dinner while paranormal events go down at his house. It takes him three credit cards to pay for some rodent care, yet it’s only a few minutes later when he comes home baring pizzas, new phones, a droid, jewelry and the works to his loving family. “How did you pay for all this,” both his wife and we ask, but he dodges the question. You’d think this would at least be addressed later on, but nope. There’s no time for that. We’ve got to solve this paranormal mystery! And mistakes like these, littered throughout, continuously weigh down any sincere attempts at character growth.
Rockwell not only separates himself from Craig T. Nelson‘s performance and makes the character his own, he also gives the screenplay’s wonky dialogue some life. Unfortunately the rest of the cast seems unfit, or unable, to liven the stock of flat characters. Sharbino is reduced to little more than a stereotypical whiny teenager, Catlett — who does bare a striking resemblance to his on-screen mom — can only look anxiously at the ghostly terrors around him. Clements just looks wide-eyed and utters the original’s catchphrases, and even DeWitt, the movie’s female lead, is given next to nothing to do but be the concerning mom.
Later, spirit hunters Carrigan Burke (Jared Harris) and Dr. Claire Powell (Jane Adams) take the dependable actors playing them and are reduced to little more than exposition machines. Although Harris, at the very least, produces some fine comedy relief, even when past due. Some fun attempts towards backstory are hinted at with Burke, as the kids ask him about all his scars as though he’s the Joker, and as a thespian Harris gives these interludes some zest. But often these are so few and far between they don’t impact much, and because Burke’s purpose is little more than interacting in Madison’s rescue, any potential charisma is wasted.
The worst thing to say about Kenan’s film is it’s utterly forgettable. For all its technical proficiency, the lack of depth these characters have and the increasingly repetitive fright sequences make little-to-no emotional impact. To his credit, Kenan’s movie does, at least, have a sense of humor about itself. The Monster House filmmaker is more self-aware of what he’s making than most directors hired for cheap remakes, and it doesn’t hinder his feature as it does so often in today’s meta-friendly entertainment world. But that it’s not funny enough, or scary enough, or even interesting enough to stand out is what makes this Poltergeist perhaps as disgraceful as the bland remakes around it. Good horror comes from the unknown, and if you know every step coming, then this haunted house is as dead on arrival as the spooky spirits inside it.
