[5:27:10 PM] Laremy says: I’m going to need an adrenaline shot to the heart to get through all the hours of this.
[5:29:00 PM] Laremy says: Pace yourself people, we’ve got another 210 minutes of this fun. For instance, don’t eat ALL the chili like I just did.
[5:29:59 PM] Brad says: Anyone else watching “The Slap”? Asking for a friend.
[5:30:12 PM] Laremy says: I liked this show better when it was called “The Slap”. Also, we are loopy. Show time!!
[5:30:22 PM] Brad says: Oh boy! Music! We’re LIVE…. 2015 Oscars!
[5:30:59 PM] Brad says: Everyone seems so happy, little do most of them know… they aren’t winning anything.
[5:31:09 PM] Laremy says: This show is whiter than a snow leopard in winter.
[5:31:12 PM] Brad says: White jokes! It’s funny because it’s true.
[5:33:48 PM] Laremy says: Anna Kendrick is a living doll. Lurve her.
[5:34:27 PM] Brad says: Lupita Nyong’o’s bro is in the house!
[5:34:34 PM] Laremy says: Jack Black is right.
[5:35:57 PM] Laremy says: The whole opening is really defensive, like a puppy who has defecated on your rug but still wants to be cute.
[5:36:27 PM] Laremy says: Singing “sniper in a combat zone” is definitely the tone you want to hit here.
[5:38:10 PM] Laremy says: Seriously, is NPH worried the Academy is going to be shut down?
[5:38:48 PM] Brad says: Sounds like Neil Patrick Harris is doing a eulogy for the Oscars, not an introduction.
[5:39:05 PM] Brad says: Lupita Nyong’o will now present the first Oscar for Best Supporting Actor
[5:39:15 PM] Laremy says: Just Kidding Simmons about to get his Oscar. Well deserved.
[5:39:17 PM] Brad says: We all know how this will go…
[5:40:08 PM] Laremy says: I’m 1 for 1. Brad, who did you have in this category?
[5:42:04 PM] Brad says:
J.K. Simmons (Whiplash) wins Best Supporting Actor… but you knew that already.
[5:44:20 PM] Brad says: That was fun, now what?
[5:45:39 PM] Brad says: #lockbox
[5:46:09 PM] Laremy says: Where did the jokes go?
[5:46:23 PM] Brad says: I’m not sure why this is happening.
[5:46:46 PM] Laremy says: LIAM NEESON AIN’T GOT NO STATUE???
[5:47:38 PM] Brad says: Okay, here we go, Liam Neeson will now present The Grand Budapest Hotel as a Best Picture nominee as well as American Sniper?
[5:47:43 PM] Brad says: What is this?
[5:47:45 PM] Laremy says: Liam Neeson follows NPH as mentioning Hollywood knows they are strangling the art with comic book movies.
[5:49:41 PM] Laremy says: I mean … the jokes are either non-existent or in really poor taste.
[5:50:29 PM] Brad says: Dakota Johnson is the show’s next victim after that Chris Kyle “joke”, introducing the song from Begin Again with your boy Adam Levine. Laremy loves this song, seriously, just ask him.
[5:50:40 PM] Laremy says: You guys see Begin Again? It’s like “The Slap”, but times ten.
[5:52:08 PM] Laremy says: The one thing we can all be grateful for is that they aren’t showing any scenes from Begin Again.
[5:53:06 PM] Laremy says: Nice! Going to commercial with “The Power of Love” by Huey Lewis and the News is the best joke I’ve heard all evening.
[5:55:34 PM] Brad says: At this point I’d be satisfied with 3.5 hours of commercials with the winners posted breaking news style at the bottom of the screen every 10 minutes. This is bad.
[5:56:13 PM] Laremy says: Thanks to all who noted their preference for my signing over Adam Levine. Now it’s a fact. Appreciated.
[5:57:11 PM] Brad says: Seriously, this is awful. NPH are telling what he seems to believe to be jokes, but they are just facts.
[5:57:28 PM] Brad says: Now for Best Costumes with J-Lo and Captain Kirk
[5:57:47 PM] Laremy says: I can’t possibly make fun of The Oscars more than they are doing so themselves at this moment.
[5:58:17 PM] Laremy says: 2-2 and I’m not blue.
[5:58:36 PM] Laremy says: This winner is parked in the rear with the gear.
[5:58:37 PM] Brad says:
And Milena Canonero for The Grand Budapest Hotel is your winner
[6:00:21 PM] Laremy says: This is like watching a cat get murdered.
[6:00:46 PM] Brad says: Reese Witherspoon is out to present Best Makeup, wheeee… More Budapest… right?
[6:01:10 PM] Laremy says: Buda about to get numero dos.
[6:01:42 PM] Laremy says: 3-3 and feeling glee.
[6:01:47 PM] Brad says:
Another win for The Grand Budapest Hotel for Best Makeup
[6:02:52 PM] Laremy says: This guy has a stylish goatee. #Respect
[6:04:01 PM] Brad says: Channing Tatum will now celebrate the talent of tomorrow and we’re falling in and out of sleep. WAKE UP LAREMY!!!!
[6:04:47 PM] Laremy says: I hope these young directors go the crowdfunding route.
[6:05:18 PM] Brad says: Lot of bold decisions being made this year, such as the “no jokes” route.
[6:06:17 PM] Brad says: Hey, Tyler
[6:06:29 PM] Laremy says: Brad just shotgunned a PBR keg.
[6:08:30 PM] Laremy says: And now he’s dancing around in a banana hammock. #NotKidding
[6:08:44 PM] Laremy says: He just screamed, “Sorry I’m not sorry!!!!”
[6:08:56 PM] Laremy says: We make our own fun.
[6:09:39 PM] Brad says: Oh, they are going to continue. We’re back and my god, I don’t get the goal with the humor here.
[6:10:07 PM] Brad says: Best Foreign Language Film ya’ll!
[6:10:14 PM] Laremy says: Need Ida, c’mon Ida.
[6:10:40 PM] Brad says:
And the winner is Ida
[6:10:44 PM] Laremy says: 4-4 and I’m not sore.
[6:12:14 PM] Laremy says: Played off like a boss.
[6:12:35 PM] Brad says: Yeah! Play off that foreigner Oscar band! Get ‘im outta here! Turn up the volume! Keep going! Do it! He wins! The music stopped. Amazing!
[6:12:36 PM] Laremy says: He GOT through the play off!!! BOLD!!
[6:12:52 PM] Brad says: Pawel Pawlikowski crushes it!
[6:13:38 PM] Brad says: Shirley MacLaine has crazy jokes, “Derpty Derp!”
[6:14:37 PM] Brad says: I am Laremy’s hero. #lockbox
[6:15:41 PM] Brad says: I think Laremy just quit
[6:16:51 PM] Brad says: Ugh, this is really painful. Really, really.
[6:17:31 PM] Brad says: Marion Cotillard will give us another song, “Everything is Awesome”, so maybe we’ll get something good.
[6:18:00 PM] Laremy says: Ellen was approx 18x better than NPH at this point.
[6:18:13 PM] Laremy says: Lonely Island & Tegan and Sara will save us!
[6:19:04 PM] Laremy says: This is the first moment of genuine joy in the whole thing … and it comes from non Animation nominated Lego Movie.
[6:19:55 PM] Brad says: So that wins the night… can anything live up to it? Well, that and Channing dropping his Lego Oscar.
[6:21:23 PM] Laremy says: I can’t wait to never buy a Cadillac!!
[6:22:00 PM] Laremy says: 51 minutes, four Oscars handed out. Nothing like starting strong!
[6:22:47 PM] Brad says: Four Oscars handed out, one gin and tonic finished. Time for #2.
[6:22:59 PM] Laremy says: NPH should come out and sing, “Everything is Awful!”
[6:23:44 PM] Laremy says: Brad actually salivated when “The Goldbergs” ad came on.
[6:24:29 PM] Brad says: NPH doesn’t deserve a Lego Oscar.
[6:24:54 PM] Laremy says: NPH just blinked “Help Me” in morse code. He may be a hostage.
[6:25:21 PM] Brad says: K Dubz and J Bates to present Best Live Action Short
[6:25:39 PM] Brad says: I have Parvaneh here… Everyone else has the awful The Phone Call
[6:26:06 PM] Laremy says: 5-5 and feeeeeling alive.
[6:26:09 PM] Brad says: And the winner is The Phone Call. What a nightmare. Such an awful short.
[6:26:25 PM] Laremy says: Brad is now mad because his 24-24 dream just went poof like NPH’s future hosting gigs.
[6:27:19 PM] Brad says: I hope these guys go too long, because I would appreciate that to make up for how bad their movie was.
[6:27:40 PM] Laremy says: This dude is way funnier than anything that’s happened yet. Maybe not on purpose though.
[6:27:58 PM] Brad says: Yeah, yeah. Keep it up. They only have so much play off music.
[6:28:16 PM] Brad says: Now Best Documentary Short… did I miss this one too?
[6:28:49 PM] Brad says: And the winner is Crisis Hotline: Veterans Press 1
[6:29:06 PM] Brad says: Ugh, I watch all the shorts and I’m 0-2 so far.
[6:29:08 PM] Laremy says: 6-6 and that’s no tricks.
[6:29:56 PM] Brad says: Go long, go long, go long…. Don’t let them play you off!
[6:31:17 PM] Laremy says: And after a legit mention of suicide prevention NPH goes for a “balls” joke. I mean, what is happening?
[6:31:30 PM] Brad says: Viola Davis will now grace the stage to tell us about the Governor’s Awards… I’ll pause for a sip of gin… and tonic.
[6:32:40 PM] Laremy says: I love when they show the fake Oscars!
[6:33:35 PM] Brad says: Maureen O’Hara, Hayao Miyazaki, Jean-Claude Carriere and Harry Belafonte were Governor’s Award winners
[6:34:57 PM] Laremy says: I’m not sure this show was rehearsed.
[6:35:58 PM] Brad says: Bad joke, followed up by introducing Gwyneth Paltrow, she’ll introduce the Glen Campbell song with Tim McGraw singing.
[6:36:13 PM] Brad says: “That’s not Sting!” Heard in my living room while we watch.
[6:40:13 PM] Brad says: We’re going to do a page break now, join us on Page Three won’t you.
