7.
Sleeping Beauty
Sleeping Beauty comes across as overly pretentious and ambiguous to a fault and the true meaning for its existence either flew over my head or it truly is about nothing. My assumption is the latter as I would never suggest anyone watch what amounts to 104 minutes of a young girl subjecting herself to the sexual deviancy of elder gentlemen, some burning her with cigarettes and others throwing her around like a rag doll. In my review I pondered several ideas as to what it could possibly be about, but I was only asking out of a need to show I tried to put some thought into what was on screen, not because I actually cared.
Review Pull Quote: “[T]his film seems to want to be about something but either doesn’t know what or how to achieve its metaphor.”
Read my full review of Sleeping Beauty from the Cannes Film Festival here.
6.
The Art of Getting By
I’m not sure any more needs to be said about this film that isn’t said in my pull quote below. The Art of Getting By is a hipster film that places adult issues on the kids at its core and it’s increasingly annoying the further along it goes.
Beyond the obvious, this film frustrated and angered me because I noticed one of two things; 1) a lack of guts when it comes to first-time feature writer/director Gavin Wiesen or 2) he simply lucked out in some situations. Films can hinge on the smallest of moments and two moments late in this film completely ruin it and what’s even worse is when Wiesen follows those two scenes up with two stunning scenes. Either he didn’t have the guts to go all the way or he lucked into a pair of great scenes that only proved to emphasize where he went wrong elsewhere.
This film makes it into my worst of, but I’m hoping Wiesen returns with his next feature putting everything out there and not trying to play to the masses with cliches and tired narrative techniques. Plus, stop having high schoolers walking into night clubs and bars and sucking down .22 ouncers.
Review Pull Quote: “Ahhh, the strumming of the acoustic guitar, “angsty” white teens, lavish New York apartments and an introvert that just can’t find inspiration. It must be another one of those Sundance Film Festival pickups copied over from years and years of success stories that will tug at our heart-strings, make us laugh and possibly even cry.”
Read my full review of The Art of Getting By here.
5.
Mr. Popper’s Penguins
People have tried defending this movie to me, but I don’t see how you can defend a movie that carries the message, “Buy your kids pets so they will love you.” Oh, and did I mention it shows a penguin’s butt hole as it poops onto Jim Carrey’s face? That can’t be good.
Review Pull Quote: “Wow! I never thought the evolution of the poop joke would come to this.”
Read my full review of Mr. Popper’s Penguins here.
4.
One Day
How Lone Scherfig goes from An Education to this is beyond me. But you see that girl in the picture above. Well, she has no self confidence and she’s in love with a guy that treats her like shit. She realizes this and yet still won’t ever stop loving him, despite the fact he has never treated her well. And guess what, that’s only a fraction of what makes this movie so bad.
The absolute worst part of this movie is the opening 30 seconds where any thinking moviegoer immediately realizes what will happen at the end of this film. It’s a truly losing proposition considering that ending is even more infuriating after you endure everything in-between. Oh man, I’m getting mad just thinking about it.
There isn’t necessarily a singular quote I would like to note from my review so I’ll just give you the opening paragraph as I think it more than satisfies:
One Day is about a girl who can’t help but shake her love for the boy she almost had sex with on the night of her college graduation. This, despite the fact that over the course of 18 years they hardly grow closer and in the process he becomes a self-absorbed, womanizing drug addict and alcoholic who never appreciates her as anything more than a shoulder to cry on when he’s feeling low. Essentially, he uses her.
Read my full review of One Day here.
