Sure, I dig a dead Patrick Swayze and his ethereal mullet annoying the shit out of Whoopi Goldberg. Ghost is a great guilty pleasure when in the mood for ludicrous schmaltz on a Sunday afternoon. Yet, to consider it a film of artistic worth just because it contains a dirty pottery-molding scene is soccer mom insanity.
A ridiculous love story that should have been nominated instead: Wild at Heart
The Reader isn’t director Stephen Daldry’s first Best Picture nominee to earn an audible WTF? With its pedigree cast and source material, The Hours is stereotypical pretentious Oscar bait, the type of self-serious crap lampooned by every Hollywood satire that places the Oscar ceremony in its crosshairs. It’s superficial and devoid of anything resembling honest emotion. The film may have fooled a few easily-impressed critics and provided a platform for Nicole Kidman to win an undeserved apology Oscar, yet, only a few years after its release, no one talks about it, no one remembers it. And rightfully so.
An artsy adaptation that should have been nominated instead: Adaptation
The psycho from Trainspotting and some other sad-sack unemployed fuglies want to wiggle their peckers in public for some cash and the entire world cheered them on. Remember how this amusing, low-budget British comedy was all the rage a decade ago? Yeah I do too. What the fuck were we thinking?
A pecker-obsessed film that should have been nominated instead: Boogie Nights
Being the culminating chapter of the greatest one-two punch in film history, the The Godfather Part III earned its Oscar nom solely through cinematic nepotism — akin to nominating Jaws 2 based on its association to Jaws. You can’t deny the film has many great moments, but overall, it’s a pompous mess and a shadow of its predecessors.
A gangster film that should have been nominated instead: Miller’s Crossing
