I am in the fortunate position of being able to skip several movies throughout the year. While this makes life much better as seeing so many shitty movies would be sure to foul my mood and make me hate working on this site (much like Stealth almost did back in 2005 when I almost considered packing it in). Of course this means I didn’t see all of the films people have already deemed awful such as Norbit, Aliens vs. Predator, Saw IV, Blades of Glory or The Condemned. However, I did see my fair share of shite…
Check out the Dishonorable Mentions first and then move on to the worst of the worst.
Primeval, Catch and Release, Because I Said So, Breach, Ghost Rider, The Reaping, The Number 23, Reno 911!: Miami, The Hills Have Eyes II, The Lookout, Perfect Stranger, Spider-Man 3, Evan Almighty, Balls of Fury, Shoot ‘Em Up, Reservation Road, Hostel II and P.S. I Love You.
After seeing the previews I quickly ran out to read Thomas Harris’ book before seeing the movie. It was obvious Hannibal Rising was going to be an abomination, but as a lover of the Hannibal character there was no way I was going to deny myself the opportunity to see this movie. Much in the way that Rob Zombie’s Halloween shit on the legend of Michael Myers Hannibal Rising did nothing to help Lecter’s fame. Soon filmmakers will realize that the truly scary idea behind a serial killer is not knowing their motivation. Both Halloween and Hannibal Rising took the opportunity to make two well-known and loved psychopaths and turn them into run-of-the-mill serial killers. Shame.
I have been told by several people that Jhumpa Lahiri’s book “The Namesake” is outstanding. Of course these are the same people that loved the movie adaptation. I can understand liking a movie based on a book you love by simply transferring your love to whatever you see on screen, but for me this was easily one of the worst movies of the year. Suffice to say I borderline hated it. It was boring at every turn and Kal Penn as the lead seemed to be anything but the right choice.
Talk about a film that has disaster written all over it, and I am not going to blame it all on Bullock even though she is a very easy target. Julian McMahon is a TERRIBLE actor and I am pretty much convinced that anything he is in is going to suck. I loved “nip/tuck” in the beginning, but even that show begins to suffer from McMahon’s ego driven performances. Bullock is Bullock in this film that bounces around so many times you begin to wonder if the filmmakers even knew what the hell was going on. I almost accidentally saw this thing twice this year due to a scheduling mix-up. Luckily I am smarter than those crafty PR reps.
Yup, this is my one obvious choice. It was either drive a short distance and see Are We Done Yet? or drive a longer distance and putting a parking fee on the company card to see The Reaping. While making the consideration I realized both films would be bad, but Are We Done Yet? had the potential to be terrible, making the review that much easier to write and leaving Laremy to handle the biblical mess that was The Reaping. Fortunately, Are We Done Yet? met my expectations giving me the opportunity to write one of my two “F” reviews of the year. The other one is coming up next.
Goya’s Ghosts has got to be one of the most misguided, god awful movies ever made. There was hardly a moment during this film that I thought anything good was going to come out of it, but the second Natalie Portman’s daughter appears on screen and she is played by none other than … Natalie Portman … I realized it was over and I was in for a mind numbing experience.
I don’t really know what I was thinking giving I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry a “C” when I reviewed it. I guess it was in terms of being fair to a film that gave me a few chuckles in the theater, but this film is a complete disaster, so much so that I couldn’t even watch it all for the HD DVD review.
I hate Dane Cook. From his baseball playoff commercials to just him standing around doing nothing. This guy has somehow managed to dupe directors into casting him in their films. Add that to the fact that Jessica Alba may be the most attractive TERRIBLE actress on the planet and you have Good Luck Chuck. Adding insult to injury may be the worst relative newcomers (yes I know he has done other things) ever in Dan Fogler. Who the hell decided this fat tub of lard was funny?
IGN, in an attempt to prove they have completely sold out to their parent company Fox, listed this as the best videogame adaptation of 2007, giving Resident Evil: Extinction the runner up position. Had Resident Evil: Extinction starred Dane Cook, Jessica Alba and Dan Fogler it still would have been light years better than Hitman. Hitman is an insult to hitting and to man. This film is easily one of the worst conceptualized films of all-time and the mere fact that Fox screened this for critics and decided to hide Aliens vs. Predator makes me wonder just how bad AVP-R really is.
If you need even more proof that Scarlett Johansson cannot carry a film or even make it mildly interesting for that matter just check out The Nanny Diaries. Actually, if your children are in need of punishment just plug this picture in and hear them scream.
Huh? Wha? Do you hear cinephiles yelling at me? Sorry folks, but Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead is one of the most overrated piles of garbage from 2007 and I am not making it the #1 worst movie of the year just because I think it is overrated, it truly is awful. With a running time just shy of two hours this film and its completely unnecessary fractured narrative has about eleventy gajillion flashbacks (none of which are useful to the story) and ninety jillion scenes of Albert Finney and his creeping car (definitely good for a laugh). Seriously, how can people say Sidney Lumet is still some master craftsman after this worthless effort? Is it because Marisa Tomei was cast as “Girl Who Shows Her Tits 100 Times”? This is a film that would top Mr. Skin’s best of list, but should be considered garbage by everyone else.
