Welcome to the Golden Globes Live Diary Page (where the funk meets the crunk).
This is where you’ll be able to watch clever wit and anger unfold in real time. If you play your cards right you can make little jokes a millisecond after I post them, impressing your friends and loved ones alike. Just like the RopeofSilicon 2007 Golden Globes Winner Page – right here – this page will update live as the show happens.
The Golden Globes are always enjoyable because they offer a great barometer for Oscar; while at the same time driving home the point that no one really knows who the hell the foreign press are. All we know is that they are foreign. And they are press. Whatever the case, they nailed the supporting and lead categories for both men and women; (though to be fair they pick four lead categories) and they only missed out on Best Picture when The Academy went with Crash. Let’s take a look at potential Golden Globe scenarios.
Scenario 1: The Departed Gains Serious Momentum: If it can pick up wins for Jack and Leo, as well as Best Picture (drama) and Marty Scorcese wins the Oscars might be over before they start. This scenario leads to some type of coronation in which Scorcese is delivered to the stage on a golden elephant while eating bacon.
Scenario 2: Dreamgirls muddies the waters: Oddly enough most of the above scenario and this one both could happen; setting up a battle royal come February. If Dreamgirls wins the Musical/Comedy Best Picture Golden Globe, Eddie Murphy beats Jack and Jennifer Hudson snags the Supporting Globe then we’ve got a horse race. Beyonce probably won’t win, but the Original Song Globe is most likely already in Dreamgirls‘ pocket. So then, two big movies, and they only compete in one category. Interesting.
Scenario 3: Let’s all worship Clint!: Eastwood has two shots at Best Director and his Letters from Iwo Jima is up for Best Foreign Film. If Clint wins those two we’ll never hear the end of it. My hope is he splits his own vote in the Director category; then he’s a dead duck come Oscar time.
Scenario 4: Dark Horse anyone?: Babel has six nominees in five categories and anything over one win makes it a story. Every fiber in my being is dreading this scenario.
Scenario 5: Many TV Golden Globes will be given out, and I will talk about them then: I rate this scenario as very probable.
5:00:09 PM: We are live at the Golden Globes! Hooo… ah!
5:01:18 PM: It’s montage time and I couldn’t be more excited. One night only, that’s the song playing in the background!! Okay, I promise scarce exclamations after this.
5:02:04 PM: Golden Globe Supporting Actress goes to: Jennifer Hudson. I am now owed ten fat dollars.
5:03:52 PM: J-Hud lost a ton of weight… bless you my child. And now her confidence is up too! See, the Globes are all about giving confidence. If they gave me one I wouldn’t need Viagra. Get some!
5:06:00 PM: C’mon everyone knows Dreamgirls is winning the Golden Globe song award.
5:06:56 PM: Ouch. Prince nailed me to the wall with the song from Happy Feet. B-Love is very happy with that result.. mostly because he is a freak. Prince isn’t there to accept, he’s busy chasing bats with spray paint.
5:11:39 PM: Miss Golden Globe is Jack’s daughter. Nepotism anyone? Can’t wait until I’m famous so my cousin can host the People’s Choice awards.
5:12:42 PM: I loved Jeremy Irons in… wait, what did he just win for?
5:13:46 PM: This is the problem with the television awards.. no one has seen any of the more obscure ones. I was cheering for the Japanese kid, mostly because I get the sense he’s dynamite in the sack. Sorry, beer is being served, emotions are running high.
5:15:39 PM: Does David Spade count as a star anymore?
5:16:46 PM: Kevin Bacon just won for best dramatic actress in a television show. Oh wait, he was just standing next to The Closer chick.
5:17:56 PM: Whoa.. Sedgewick almost revealed a member of the Hollywood Foreign Press. Watch it sister, they live in the shadows.
5:24:57 PM: We’re talking Babel. I loved that one.. read my review, you’ll see just how much.
5:26:25 PM: Everyone just clapped for the HFP and looked around to thank them. Only none were there as they are doing contract killing for the NSA.
5:27:17 PM: The Hollywood Foreign Press is led by a man that looks much like a cross between Woody Allen and a freak.
5:29:37 PM: Emily Blunt breaks through. I’m happy for her, even if she didn’t deserve the other nomination for Prada.
5:30:51 PM: When was Gideon’s Daugher on? What channel? What month? In the U.S.? Maybe they should show a few minutes of the show to get us acclimated.
5:32:23 PM: House takes the actor TV drama deal. This just proves that sarcasm will get you everywhere. He’s an inspiration.
5:34:41 PM: I wonder if 24 is rocking this in the ratings? You watchin’ 24?
5:35:19 PM: Tell you what, watch 24 but keep reading this. I get one cent per click. I’m up to 42 cents!
5:36:47 PM: 36 minutes in, getting hungry.
5:41:04 PM: Um, star of Two and a Half men? Seriously?
5:42:03 PM: That’s like being the star of your 5th grade basketball team. It may be factually true, but it’s still a little kooky talk.
5:44:30 PM: Cars upsets Happy Feet proving Pixar rocks the party that rocks the body.
5:47:18 PM: Streep wins and I’m 2 for 2 in the biggies. For the record the other lug on this site had Toni Collette and Rinko something or other. I’m not even counting what Dre had because no one reads him.
5:50:58 PM: Please play Streep off. Now.
5:51:08 PM: One of the things she said was “It was a fun year for watching movies.” Stop the presses!
5:58:45 PM: Elizabeth 1 wins for something. I liked it better when it was a movie and it starred Cate Blanchett.
6:01:07 PM: So they just showed Prince behind Eddie Murphy.. and yet he didn’t accept his award about 40 minutes back. What the hell Prince?
6:01:39 PM: Eddie Murphy baby! Remember that Dreamgirls scenario I was taking about? Get ready, it’s coming.
6:03:02 PM: Eddie Murphy seems really normal to me. Why is the rumor out there that he’s nuts?
6:05:24 PM: Ok, we just looked and a ton of people are reading this. I promise to get funnier starting right goddamn now.
6:09:16 PM: Bill Nighy wins.. loved him in Pirates, never saw him in a mini-series or drama. Man, these TV awards have MAULED the first 71 minutes of this mug. Thank God Oscar hates TV like poison. The band.
6:12:03 PM: I am now advocating handling the TV awards in list mode. Who is with me? If I hear “Tsunami: The Aftermath” one more time I’m going to murder.
6:12:40 PM: Plus only five shows are nominated, but EVERY actor in them is. I mean c’mon. Helen Mirren wins something (probably a Golden Globe) for Elizabeth I and is in danger of being typecast as a monarch.
6:14:01 PM: The party is just getting warmed up! I was contractually obligated to throw that in or NBC was going to taser me.
6:18:51 PM: The Joker is presenting. No wait, that’s Cameron Diaz.
6:20:50 PM: The Queen gets a well deserved screenplay Golden Globe. My thought it is will get shut out from here on out. Ok, here we go Peter Morgan is going on a poltical rant, hold on to your hats.
6:22:36 PM: He said something to the effect of “war is bad.” He’s got a point, but I’m not sure that an award acceptance speech is the format. Maybe just thank some people or make a joke. Ah, what the hell, I guess this kind of stuff makes it interesting.
6:23:21 PM: Alec Baldwin wins, well deserved. I like 30 Rock. They evidently seated him in the rafters because it took him a few minutes of jogging to reach the podium.
6:25:52 PM: They just showed a guy with a silver briefcase, holding awards I guess. Good job guy, put that on the resume.
6:27:29 PM: How did they dig the guy from Back to the Future up for some ads? Let’s face it, he was available.
6:32:24 PM: Ugly Betty wins. Yikes. The show looks like The Wonder Years but less innovative. I could be wrong. But probably not.
6:34:55 PM: You can tell the stature of the award based on who is presenting. If James Woods is out there I can guarantee you it’s nothing movie related. James Woods on stage = Bathroom break.
6:38:18 PM: Letters from Iwo Jima was the best foreign film released by an American director financed by American studios and American guys. Golden Globes 2007, inclusive city!
6:46:11 PM: Can you trade in three Golden Globes for one Oscar?
6:46:46 PM: It turns out Prince was stuck in traffic, that’s why he wasn’t there for the award! You telling me there is no PrinceCopter??
6:49:20 PM: Well, at least they gave the Original Score Globe to a foreign guy. Let’s get that cred back!
6:51:04 PM: The Ugly Betty chick wins. Whatever.
6:52:45 PM: She is still talking. No one knows why.
6:53:46 PM: NICE! The Ugly Betty chick was standing beside the interview gal, then got confused, booked it, and then had to be brought back. 2007 Golden Globes, awkward central. Hey guys, maybe hot smooth chicks from here on out.
7:00:42 PM: Tom Hanks is giving Warren Beatty the Cecil B. deMille award. Five minutes of our life we’ll never get back.
7:05:55 PM: Make it ten.
7:09:16 PM: Make it one billion minutes. That we will NEVER get back.
7:09:42 PM: We’re on our second Beatty montage. Cut me Mickey, cut me.
7:11:54 PM: The Cecil B. deMille award… presented by Ambien.
7:13:37 PM: Why is Brad Pitt there? What, orphans and starving kids don’t need you on Globe night?
7:15:05 PM: Hey what day is it? Is this MLK day? Oh no, please, let Warren talk for about 15 more minutes. No seriously, that’s totally cool.
7:16:20 PM: This is like a hostage situation. 20 minutes of a 120 minute showl focused on WARREN BEATTY! TAKE MY EYES!!!!!!!!!!
7:18:38 PM: Beatty is gone! I’ve never been so happy to see a crappy commercial in my entire life.
7:21:49 PM: They haven’t given an award in half an hour. Not a joke, just a statement of fact. Anger.
7:24:31 PM: There really should be a PrinceCopter.
7:25:49 PM: Scorcese wins and we are back to real life.
7:26:43 PM: Only white men can win. Not my rules, that’s just how Foreign Press does it. Wait, check that, OLD white men. Cool.
7:29:51 PM: Borat wins. It will be interesting to see if he can keep this mo to the mentum going.
7:31:51 PM: Cohen is giving the best acceptance speech of the decade.
7:37:10 PM: And we’re back! Dane Cook is here in his last official public appearance.
7:38:54 PM: Dreamgirls wins and I remain an accuracy machine. In the spirit of the evening an older white guy accepts and gives a longish speech. They just played him out. Sorry bub, Beatty robbed y’all.
7:44:37 PM: They’ve now cut the jokes, and we are in sprint mode. Grey’s Anatomy wins best TV show and they will give them maybe eight seconds to accept.
7:46:40 PM: The Globes now resemble a drive thru as they try to get through everything.
7:49:48 PM: Mirren wins again. That’s two tonight. I remain at zero.
7:53:52 PM: Whitaker wins for Last King of Scotland. He wasn’t the lead but he was great, so we’re good.
7:56:09 PM: 20th Century Fox has always been there for Forest Whitaker. They haven’t really been there for me.
7:58:42 PM: Getting a little loopy… thank goodness we rolled with the east coast feed. It’s 8pm here and I’m begging to be knocked out.
8:01:56 PM: Arnold gives Best Picture? Ouch.
8:02:33 PM: Babel WINS!!!
8:02:46 PM: It is mayhem around here. It was shut out all night, but it came through in the end. This means that Babel, Dreamgirls, and The Departed are now fighting it out for Oscar contention.
8:04:09 PM: It looks like these bad boys ran over.. what are you guys, the Oscars?
8:07:33 PM: So, I gave Babel an F review. I didn’t like it. The Golden Globes did. Agree to disagree eh?
8:11:26 PM: Folks, it’s been a pleasure. For my west coast brothers, I hope I didn’t spoil it for you. For my east coast brethren.. well, we made it guys. Beatty couldn’t kill us, no matter how hard he tried.
