Love. It comes, it fills you with good feeling and then it rips your heart out, walking out the door with that innocent expression that makes you want to physically turn your face inside out. I’ve spit and spewed a lot of acrimony at the Academy the last few months but hey, they deserve it, even when they don’t (fans of Joseph Hellar rejoice!). But this time I am going to get all gooey for the Academy. Yes, I’m in love again. I’m turning down the lights, and striking a match. Roman scented candles light my crib and it’s just me and you, Academy. That’s not just your hormones acting up on you, those are the tunes of Barry White gracing your eardrums. I already got the Taco Bell waiting in the microwave and all it takes is one push of a mother-bleeping button to reheat your Chalupa baby (supreme, of course).
Now, since I just pimped you, Taco Bell, you might do us all a favor and bring back THE CHILITO! And I don’t think I’m alone here. For all of you poor souls that have no idea what I am referring to, hear is a brief education. The Chilito, or as it was later referred, The Chili Cheese Burrito was the Microsoft Windows of the Taco Bell menu, or at least it was until it was vindictively ripped away along with my heart. The reason for the name change I shall not disclose here…it’s just better this way, trust me (but if you are a truly brave soul, check out this link for a little Chilito history).
This was back when they really were thinking outside of the bun. Basically, it was a beef soft taco with extra meat and extra extra melted cheese. The chili part is up to some debate. Slap in a little mystery sauce (I don’t know what it was or where it came from and I don’t need to know). It had about 8 billion calories and 1,200 grams of fat and it was the most magnificent tasting thing these hands have ever laid claim. Arrrghhhhh. Oh, and Chilito Lady, even before the Academy, you were the love of my life. She knows who she is. And she is no doubt very afraid right now.
Before there’s any more tangents, let’s just dive right into this pool of love together. Here are the nominations that made me most happy this year.
So that about wraps things up for the evening, Academy. Now get your stank-skank ass out of my apartment. Just kidding, baby, I love you. I love you more than a Chilito. Almost.
