SHOCK’s Titan of TV Alyse Wax dives in to recap last night’s SCREAM QUEENS episode.
Grace takes Gigi shopping, hoping to bond with her a little since she is the first woman her dad has dated since her mom died. Gigi suggests Grace talk to Feather, a former Kappa who left the house a few years ago after some major drama.
Feather meets with Grace and Pete at Kappa house, and she says whatever happened, she thinks Dean Munsch is behind it, just because she became involved with the deans husband. Steven Munsch was her Beatles 101 teacher, and even though he wasnt attractive, they started having sex. After a time, the two of them went to the dean, and Steven asked for a divorce, after which the dean went crazy. He moved into the Kappa house after the dean kicked him out. Once the divorce was final, Steven got the house and Feather moved in with him. One night she was home alone, taking a bath, and someone tried to electrocute her by dropping a radio into her bath. She survived, and thinks the dean did it. Feather is ready to go on record saying the dean is capable of murder.
After her meeting with the Kappas, Feather goes home and finds an arrow pointing upstairs. She thinks it is ketchup, but it soon becomes clear that it is blood. Bloody arrows and threatening messages, punctuated by a dismembered hand or foot lead Feather upstairs, where she finds Stevens head, severed, in the fish tank.
Detective Chisolm and his squad think that the dean is guilty. They have had sex, so she thinks this is just a sexy game – until backup comes in and arrests her. For whatever reason, instead of taking her to jail, they wrap the dean in a straightjacket and haul her off to a mental institution. Chisolm argues that if she was responsible for all these murders, she must be crazy. Chisolm isnt alone: Grace and Pete also think the dean is guilty. They wrap up the case and start making out (now that there are no more murders to worry about). Their kissing is interrupted by a phone call: the dean wants to see the two of them tomorrow.
Grace and Pete meet the dean at the mental institution, which she sees as something of a vacation: plenty of time to daydream, work on her fashion designs (which look like they were drawn by a blind six-year-old) and take fantastic drugs. The dean thinks Chisolm is lazy and didnt fully investigate. Dean Munsch is certain that Feather killed her ex-husband, and offers a trade: Grace and Pete prove that Feather was the killer, and she will tell them everything about the baby that was born at the Kappa house.
Pete tricks Chisolm into handing over the details from the Steven Munsch murder. A partially-eaten bologna sandwich was found at the scene of the crime, one that the cops believe was made by the murderer. As Pete and Grace found out while visiting the dean at lunch time, she is allergic to the sulfites in bologna. So Grace and Pete break into the Munsch house, steal Feathers toothbrush, and has the DNA tested. It matches the DNA on the sandwich. Dean Munsch is freed and the cops, looking for no further evidence or motive, arrest Feather and confine her to a Hannibal Lecter-esque cell at the mental hospital. I have so many problems with the nonsensical procedural parts of this episode it makes my head ache. Anyway, the dean promises to tell Grace everything – but not until next week.
Meanwhile
After a horrible, bitchy funeral for the backstabbing little bitch who got what was coming to her, Chanel and her minions use a ouija board to communicate with #2. The ouija board informs Chanel that Chad is cheating on her. She storms into his frat house to confront him, and finds him in bed with a goat. It turns out that he has an embarrassing problem: he is lactose intolerant, but goats milk is lactose free.
The Chanels try again, later in the episode, to reach #2 via ouija board. She asks who is killing everyone. You, the ouija board spells out. Chanel is furious and storms away, leaving #3, #5, and Hester to worry. Because, you know, you always take a probably-fake ghost at her word. The minions decide there is only one solution: they have to kill Chanel before she kills them. The only problem is: how?
That night, Chanel falls into a fitful laxative sleep and is visited by the ghost of Chanel #2. She is there to apologize for her backstabbing ways so that she can get into heaven. Apparently hell is not as fun as it sounds. She warns Chanel that her minions are plotting to kill her, so Chanel decides to kill them first. #2 warns her against that. She tells her to be the bigger person, be the leader I know you can be. Instead of trying to kill her minions, Chanel confronts them, and bought them all gifts to buy back their friendships: old fashioned hats and giant magnifying glasses so they can play Nancy Drew and find the real killers together. Chanel believes Grace and Zayday are the killers.
Finally back home, the dean pours herself a glass of wine and dances through her house. She is feeling good – not because Feather is going to prison, but because she knows Feather didnt kill Steven. With a serial killer on the loose, Dean Munsch didnt think they would look too closely for another killer, so she took advantage of the situation and killed Steven herself.
