The My Roanoke Nightmare series was ridiculously popular. The finale reached over 20 million viewers, beating out The Walking Dead and football for the night. So you know what that means: sequel.
Sidney, the producer, heads into a network meeting to pitch the “second” season. It would be called Return to Roanoke: Three Days in Hell, and would be a hidden camera shoot set inside the actual Roanoke house, which Sidney bought from Shelby for pennies on the dollar. The idea is to place the real Shelby, Matt, and Lee back in the house, along with their actor counterparts, and see what happens. Oh, and it will be during the blood moon. Ultimately, Sidney wants real reactions to what the inhabitants believe to be real ghost activity. In actuality, the house is rigged with all sorts of special effects: breaking glass, exploding cabinets, the smell of sulfur, etc. His biggest goal, Sidney insists, is he wants justice. He thinks he can break Lee and get her to admit to killing Mason.
The first battle is getting Shelby on board. Unsurprisingly, she wants nothing to do with it. She does an interview with Sidney, explaining the harassment and death threats she has received since the show aired. She and Matt thought the show would be a healing experience, but it ended up driving them apart. The nail in the coffin of their marriage was Shelby’s fling with Dominic Banks, the actor who portrayed Matt in the show. Matt hasn’t spoken to her since. Ultimately, she agrees to do the show simply because it will force Matt to talk to her. Shelby’s one demand is that Dominic not be part of the series. Sidney agrees, but moments later he finds out that casting has landed Dominic. Just one of the fun surprises reality TV producers like to introduce.
Sidney does a sit-down with Agnes Mary Winstead, who played the Butcher. It was the role of a lifetime for her, and she rambles on about bullsh*t actress nonsense. Then Sidney drops the hatchet and asks her about her mental breakdown, one that sent her on a rampage on Hollywood Boulevard, screaming at people as the Butcher, waving a cleaver. She was arrested for attempted assault and spent six months in a mental ward, where she was diagnosed with a schizo-affective disorder. She insists she is fine now, properly medicated, but Sidney confronts her with photos. At the set, he and some of the crew found dead fetal pigs arranged in a circle. Agnes gets agitated, Sidney becomes more hostile, and serves her with a restraining order. She is not going to be on the show. Sidney and the crew leave, and Agnes screams at them in character as they walk away. As they get in the car, Sidney explains to his producing partner Diana that he hopes the restraining order won’t keep her away. He antagonized her in hopes of getting juicy footage.
While Sidney and Diana have a discussion with legal about their culpability if Lee goes nuts and kills everyone in the house (they aren’t accountable), they get a call. Major problem on set. They arrive and find an ambulance packing up what appears to be a decapitated corpse. Checking the video, they see one of the crew members, using a chainsaw to cut wood, suddenly decapitate himself. You see nothing supernatural in the video, but the implication is clear. Sidney declines to stop production (his cast arrives later that day), and Diana is furious. Something terrifying is happening, and she says she is done. She drives off. On the way home, she records a cell phone video in order to record what really went down: too much creepy sh*t. Before she can clarify, she sees someone dressed as a colonist up ahead. Diana is not going to stop to find out who it is, but suddenly the pig man appears behind her, knocks her out, and the screen goes black. A title card explains that Diana’s footage was found three months later, by police, but her body was never found.
Audrey Tindle and Rory Monaghan are the first two to arrive at the house. Audrey (with a terrible British accent) played Shelby, and Rory played Mott. The pair met on set and were recently married in a ridiculous hippie ceremony. Before anyone else arrives, Rory gets a call, asking him to come back to Hollywood for a screen test. He’s bailing. The couple goes to the kitchen, where a shadow outside the window catches Rory’s eye. Suddenly Agnes appears, dressed as the Butcher, and smashes the window. They race to the front door, and are greeted by Sidney and the rest of the cast. Sidney couldn’t find Agnes but promises to call the cops if she returns. Agnes has attacked Audrey in the past, and she wants nothing to do with her.
The cast have their phones taken away, and are given disabled phones with which to record with. Lee and Monet, her actor-double, will stay in one room, while Shelby and Matt will stay in another. Matt declines; he would rather stay in the basement. An argument ensues, grows more heated when Lee inserts herself, and all the real characters storm out of the room. The actors remain, laughing at how unhinged they are. When they were here to film, they didn’t have any problems. Matt returns, and points out the blood moon out the window. That’s why they didn’t experience anything supernatural.
A title card comes up. Over the next three days, everyone staying at the house died, except one. The show never aired, but what follows is assembled from the footage that was found.
Matt goes down to the basement. Shelby tries to convince him to come back upstairs, or at least talk to her. Matt has misgivings about being here again, but Shelby thinks it will be okay. There are more people this time, and no one will let them get hurt. (Clearly she has never seen reality television.) Matt thinks it will happen again, and doesn’t believe they can survive this time.
Rory and Audrey have sex in the hot tub. When they are done, Audrey goes upstairs to shower, but invites Rory to join her.
Lee heads into the kitchen. Behind her passes the burned ghost of Mason. He looks into the camera, but Lee doesn’t see him. She does see Monet stumble in drunk, looking for a snack. Lee tries to offer support as a fellow addict, but Monet blames her addiction on Lee, for getting into her head. Lee blames Monet for portraying her as a murderer.
Shelby leaves Matt to answer the door. Surprise – it’s Dominic. Matt immediately attacks him, and it takes three people to separate the two men. Shelby screams obscenities at Sidney in the camera.
Audrey misses all the action. She is still in the shower. The door opens, and she thinks it is Rory, but he doesn’t join her. She gets out, then sees the pig man behind her. She screams and runs downstairs, diverting attention from the domestic dispute downstairs. Audrey thinks Sidney set someone up to scare scare her. Dominic comforts her while Rory, young and hot-headed, goes upstairs to confront the “prankster.” He searches all over, but finds no sign of him. Suddenly the two nurses appear and gut him with knives.
Matt sees “murder” written in blood on the wall. He films it, then goes into the kitchen, where everyone has settled. “R is for Rory,” he announces ominously.
I wish I could say the reality producer was a horrible caricature made up specifically to be the show’s bully, but I used to work in reality television, and I have met producers like that. It is all too real.
Here’s hoping the rest of the season will get a little more interesting, and not just be “Murder House in the woods.”
Check out scenes from next week’s episode:
