Did you even have to ask? If you know any girls at all, you know they’ve been talking about this week’s movie since it first premiered in name only on an episode of “Sex and the City.” He’s Just Not that into You features more famous faces than you’d expect in an Oscar contender (but a fraction of the plot). It’s the American Love Actually, and whether it’s good or goosh, it’s guaranteed to do gangbusters at the cinema.
Why she might want to see it: So she can figure out if you’re just not that into her. It’ll be like watching a magician reveal his secrets!
Why you might not: All the mystery of your nonchalant neglect exposed? By Ben Affleck and his “bros”? It seems unfair.
The silver lining: You’ll no longer have to make excuses when you don’t want to hang out. “Dinner with your parents? Can’t make it, ’cause I’m just not that into it.” She’ll definitely, totally, always, completely understand and respect your decision.
Tips for the untrained:
- He’s Just Not That Into You the film is based on He’s Just Not That Into You the book, which for all intents and purposes is a self-help guide for all repeat rejectards who think “Don’t call me,” means “I’ll call you.” Want to learn a bit about the female dating psyche before you head to the cinema? Pick up the book at your local Borders or Barnes & Noble–that is, if they haven’t gone out of business yet–and give it a look-see. Then cry, because what’s in there doesn’t just apply to women. Have you been rejected, too? Let it out. Only a small handful of shoppers will be listening.
- At 129 minutes, He Kinda Never Liked You runs a little long. It may be laughy, but it also might be torture. Prepare yourself for the latter by setting your cell phone on vibrate and putting a timer on for an hour. You don’t want to be the boyfriend who keeps checking his watch, so slide that sucker in your pocket, on the side away from the lady. Timer rings, you’re about halfway through. Not too bad, right?
- I don’t really want to suggest a theme night for this movie. Something about the probable dissection of dating during the film makes me think that perhaps you should cut the night short. Dinner first, then the movie–no need for prolonged conversation after the fact. And no matter what you think of it, be wise about expressing those thoughts. It isn’t worth revealing that you now realize you’re a tool and have been emasculated. If she absolutely loved it, you thought it was “good.” If she hated it, you thought it was “okay.” And if she says she’ll call you…don’t hold your breath.
- As mentioned above, the cast of He Actually Was Trying to Pick Up Your Friend is a bit ridiculous. Jennifer Aniston, Ginnifer Goodwin, Jennifer Connelly, Kevin Connolly, Ben Affleck, Drew Barrymore, Justin Long…and Busy Phillips, Scarlett Johansson, Bradley Cooper. Did they owe someone a favor? Is this the result of a bet? Are Jennifer and Kevin Connolly related? Is “Ginnifer” really an acceptable spelling of “Jennifer”? All great questions. Most will likely go unanswered during this film, so if you’re really curious, do your legwork. But according to an interview with producer Drew Barrymore, all the actors above committed to the work because of the message and the writing. That’s right, the writing. Clearly, she’s trying to sell it, but that should make you a wee bit hopeful for a a few nice laughs. You wouldn’t figure Drew for a liar, right?
If for some reason He Was Drunk, It Was Late, What Do You Expect? is not anything like something your partner would want to watch, you do have some other options for romantic bonding. Pink Panther 2? Just kidding–Steve Martin is classic funny, but you can catch that on DVD.
The fantastically animated Coraline and the Yoda-loving Fanboys both hit the cineplex this weekend, as does Push, a fantasy action/adventure that hails the return of Dakota Fanning following “the awkward years.” In fact, it’s a good weekend for popcorn flicks, wouldn’t you say? Between Doubt, Rev Road, The Reader and Frozen River, this Awards Season has been downright depressing. Here’s hope that we’ll all be at least a little bit into what’s in store for spring.
