Speed Racer was a disaster in theaters and it is an even bigger one on DVD/Blu-ray. Watching Warner Bros.’ Blu-ray release at home almost proved to be an impossibility. Why? At least in the movie theater the sensory overload was so all-encompassing it somewhat dulled the film’s numerous structural failures. In the comfort of my living room, devoid of all the bells, whistles and an obnoxious preview audience directors Larry and Andy Wachowski’s labor of love was stripped of all its distractions, the emptiness of the script and the colossal unfocused nature of it all suddenly front and center for everyone to see.
While this is supposed to be a movie about flashy visuals and heartfelt family values, what it all adds up to is a disaster that’s as perplexing and annoying as it is sometimes difficult to take your eyes off of (at least as long as the wildly flamboyant racing sequences are going on). While this technically brave and daring Tron meets Marry Poppins meets Who Framed Roger Rabbit? enterprise is certainly impressive visually, the storytelling is so freakishly awful I almost don’t even know where to begin. The Wachowskis aren’t so much working from a script as they are working from a series of schmaltzy familial and sports movie clichés so ripe and moldy they’re practically penicillin.
Seriously, who is this movie made for? At almost two-and-a-half hours, it’s far too long and talky for the kids, the racing scenes all inter-cut with sequences of family melodrama that’s so saccharine I virtually wanted to gag. Adults on the other hand aren’t going to like it either, the script so freakishly juvenile and maudlin even fans of the cult animated series are going to be left scratching their heads wondering what the heck just happened. The whole thing is a gigantic unfocused mess, and if anyone tells you Speed Racer is a misunderstood gem, turn in the opposite direction and get away from them as fast as your legs will allow.
I can’t help but wonder what’s going on with the once on-top-of-the-world brothers Wachowski. Bound was a sly bit of noir nastiness impossible to forget, while I probably don’t need to tell anyone how profoundly The Matrix changed the entire sci-fi landscape. But since then the pair have become consumed by spectacle and mayhem, and while I’ll be the first to champion the giddy fun to be found in The Matrix Reloaded I’m not about to waste any of your time trying to defend the god-awful final chapter The Matrix Revolutions.
It’s another step down for the filmmakers here. Pretty pictures in and of themselves do not a movie make, and once you get over the level of visual virtuosity on display here it hits you just how repetitive and freakishly stupid all the rest of the film is. The whole thing gave me a splitting headache in the theater and it ended up doing the very same at home, and while the Blu-ray disc looks suitably fantastic all the dizzying video game CGI graphics and colors are so overpowering after about 20 minutes all I really wanted to do was turn the damn thing off.
As for that Blu-ray disc, I must admit the folks over at Warner have done a pretty decent job. The behind-the-scenes and making-of featurettes are truly outstanding, and while I seriously feel like the filmmakers went the 100-percent wrong direction with this right from the start seeing the creative expertise it took to actually get there is still fairly interesting.
There are also two additional discs here. One is a downloadable digital copy of the picture, the other is a video game called “Speed Racer Crucible Challenge.” I disliked the movie so I didn’t use the former, while the latter is one of the lamest game extras I’ve personally ever encountered. I don’t kids are going to like it at all, and after one play no one in their right mind will ever use that second disc ever again.
Speed Racer just isn’t very good. While it looks great on Blu-ray, I say skip it. Skip the movie, the digital copy, the lame video game, the (admittedly decent) extras, the whole darn thing, this effort from the once-great Wachowski brothers as annoying and as disappointing as anything else I’ve had the displeasure of seeing this year. Consider yourself warned.
