Box-Office Oracle: Apr. 6 – Apr. 8

I am a little scared of this pick. It’s three hours! But all my friends tell me it will win. I always bow to peer pressure, that’s why I have a sun tat on my lower back.

Estimate: $22.1 million

We’re not done yet! A-ha-ha, That’s hilarious!!! It’s not, and yet everyone and their mom feels the need to make that joke. This is because people, by and large, are stupid.

Estimate: $21.6 million

The Easter weekend is going to give this a strong financial result because kids need comedy. They need it like sugar. That’s quite a lot.

Estimate: $20.5 million

How about a sequel here? I think there is plenty of meat on the bone left to chew. The movie takes place in both the present and the future so I think a full-on future film would be fun to watch.

Estimate: $18.6 million

Reap this! See, now that’s a little more clever. Opening this against Grindhouse must have been the last thing some studio exec did before he took another job.

Estimate: $11.7 million

There is no excuse for a steaming pile like this. It’s totally uncalled for, another Shaggy Dog slap across the face. I, for one, am fed up. Think how mad I’d be if I actually screened it.

Estimate: $9.7 million

The sequel is called The Alamo. Oh wait, they did that one. Hmmm.. prequel? Something like the Spartans playing volleyball on the beach? That would make the ladies happy.

Estimate: $6.1 million

It seems to me that kids are now being overrepresented at the movies right now. Why are 30 percent of the movies on the board always meant for little humans? Where are the adult movies? I may have some latent hater issues, sorry.

Estimate: $4.7 million

The real wild hogs are the ones in Hannibal that eat people. This is just a bunch of old dudes on bikes.

Estimate: $4.6 million

Welcome to the Laremy lounge! That’s the new name for the ten slot, I stole it from a sports show. Anyway, get yourself a drink now that we’re through. See if I’m right come Sunday afternoon.

Estimate: $4.1 million