Night’s Watch. Jon Snow heads off, but not without first releasing Tormund and accepting a gift from Samwell – the glass he used to kill the whitewalker. That night, Gilly and Samwell sit up with Aemon, who does not survive the night. Samwell gives him a beautiful eulogy. As the torch is being passed to light the pyre, Alliser warns Samwell that he is losing all his friends. Later, as Gilly is doing laundry, she is harassed by a couple of the guards. Samwell shows up, sword drawn, and threatens them to leave her alone. He isn’t much of a threat, and though he stands tall, Samwell gets the crap beat out of him. The boys run off when Ghost shows up. The wolf doesn’t have to do anything – just stand there – and the boys run off crying. That night, as Gilly is tending to Samwell’s wounds, she has sex with him. Samwell’s response? “Oh my!”
Reek brings Sansa some food. She is curled up in bed, sobbing. When he comes in, she begs him for help and reminds him, strongly, that he is Theon Greyjoy. He tells her it could always be worse. She is locked in her room all day, and Ramsay comes to her every night – it can’t get worse than that. She wants to know what Ramsay did to Theon to turn him into Reek. He won’t answer, but takes her candle and nods in promise of placing it in the tower window. Instead, he delivers it to Ramsay. Pity, because Brienne is still keeping watch, waiting for a candle to appear.
Sansa is brought to Ramsay, who kisses her respectfully on the cheek. She pockets a corkscrew when he is not looking. Ramsay waxes on about how Stannis and his troops are headed to Winterfell, but they can’t hope to fight in such a storm. Sansa decides to poke the beast by pointing out that if his stepmother has a son, he would have a better claim as an heir. But Ramsay one ups her, by showing her the elderly woman who told Sansa about the candle. Except the woman is dead, skinned alive. “Her heart gave out before I got to her face,” Reek spilled, and warns her to hang on to her candles – the nights are so long now. A kiss on the cheek is like salt in the wound.
Ramsay is right about one thing: Stannis’ troops are having a bad time in the snow. Forty horses died overnight, they are running out of food, and trade lanes won’t open until the storm stops. Davos suggests they return to Castle Black, but Stannis refuses. “We march to victory or defeat, but we go forward. Only forward.” Melisandre is there to offer her guidance, but she suggests sacrificing his daughter. Stannis is offended at the thought and kicks her out of his tent.
Jorah and Tyrion are brought up for auction. Jorah is bought for twenty golds by Yezzan, and Tyrion insists he must buy him as well. To prove he is a great fighter, he takes his chains from his captor and beats him with it until Yezzan agrees to buy him, too. And thus, la luche wrestling was born.
Daenerys is in bed with Daario, who admits he is jealous of her impending nuptials. He wants her to marry him instead; but she can’t. Instead, he suggests that, during the Great Games, she find all the masters she can and kill them all. “All rulers are either butchers or meat.”
Hizdahr brings Daenerys to the lower pits, kind of like the early brackets of the Great Games. Jorah isn’t selected to go out and fight; Tyrion remains chained to the wall. Daenerys is already pissed that she has to go to the Great Games, but Hizdahr insists it is custom. Yezzan is surprised to see the queen at his fight and commands his fighters to greet her properly. Jorah hears this and peeks out to the pit. He is overjoyed to see Daenerys out there. The fighting commences and Daenerys is quickly sickened with the brutal slaughters before her. She stands to leave, and Jorah decides it is now or never. He armors up, including a helmet that obscures his features and quickly slaughters all the fighters. Daenerys is entranced and stays to watch, as Yezzan’s other fighters spill out of the tunnel – all to meet their end at Jorah’s hand. With all the others dead, Jorah stands front and center to greet his queen and reveals himself to her. She is horrified, demands he be removed, but stops when he insists he brought her a gift. Tyrion, released from his chains by a big, beefy guard. He introduces himself to Daenerys.
Myrcella is brought to see Jaime at his request. He is there to take her home – her mother is worried about her. Myrcella is furious. She did what she was told, came to Dorne, has been here for years, made it her home. She is in love with Trystane and will marry him. So that didn’t go over too well.
Meanwhile, Bronn is in a prison cell; the Sand Snakes are in another. Tyene flirts with him and seductively undresses for him. As she opens her dress, Bronn gets woozy and collapses. I was hoping that Tyene had some kind of hypnotic vagina, but she reveals that the dagger she cut him with was coated with a slow-acting poison. She happens to have an antidote in her necklace, but will only hand it over if he proclaims her the most beautiful woman in the world. He does, she tosses him the cure, and he drinks it down greedily.
Olenna pays the High Sparrow a visit. They spar verbally, almost playfully. (If he weren’t such a devout religious man, I would say they were going to end up in bed together.) She accuses him of doing Cersei’s dirty work and offers to pay him off. He can’t be bought and promises that her grandchildren will be punished the same as any who committed their crimes. Olenna promises to cut off the supply of food to the capital, and make sure everyone knows who is to blame. High Sparrow is not scared. As Olenna leaves, she is brought a scroll, and meets Baelish in the ruins of his brothel. He promises he had nothing to do with Margaery and Loras’ imprisonment, that he was just here at Cersei’s behest. He gave her info, but has other information that he can give Olenna, as well as the same gift he promised Cersei: a handsome young man.
Tommen is inconsolable about the imprisonment of his beloved queen. He threatens to kill every last Sparrow, start a war if he has to. Cersei comforts him and offers to speak to the High Sparrow – he shouldn’t lower himself to doing it. She would do anything to keep him from harm. Before Cersei goes to the High Sparrow, she drops in to visit Margaery, for the sole purpose of pissing her off.
Cersei then meets with the High Sparrow, who tells her about the trial process. He will act as one of the seven septens who will judge the trial. He then starts talking about what they find when they strip away finery. He talks about a young man who came to them with a heavy heart and soul; this young man confessed everything, unloaded his soul… then he reveals the young man: Lancel Lannister. Cersei says nothing, but tries to leave. Her way out is blocked by some female guards who take her into custody and throw her into a cell. She screams bloody murder as they lock the door, swearing that her face is the last thing they will see before they die. At least they didn’t put her in a cell with Margaery. But come on, Cersei, you knew this was coming.
You can check out the promo for episode 5.08 in the player below. Titled “Hardhome,” the episode is officially described as follows:
“Arya makes progress in her training. Sansa confronts an old friend. Cersei (Lena Headey) struggles. Jon travels.”
Written by David Benioff & D.B. Weiss; directed by Miguel Sapochnik, “Hardhome” is set to air May 31. “Game of Thrones” airs Sunday at 9 P.M. EST on HBO.
